i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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