as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He passed out mid-signature
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
