She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
