It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
