This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize