I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
