One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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