My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
