thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
