the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
