There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
