Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
