He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
