I wish I could punch you in the face.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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