So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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