I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
