remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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