I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
