THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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