i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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