She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
