why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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