mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
