the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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