my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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