this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
