What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
