I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
