Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
