Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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