then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You were trust falling into bushes
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize