i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I AM VODKA MAN
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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