Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
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