Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
