Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
