I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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