You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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