Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
