I faked an abortion last night.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
