dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
