you traded sex for a burrito?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
