i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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