I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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