last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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