Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
50% drunk capacity currently
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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