fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
