I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
