You made me cry and you don't even care
no, he came in my armpit
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
