Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
