I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
