angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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