Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
