i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
