it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
