I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
