so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
