this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
