Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I supernannyed him into submission
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