At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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