help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
