we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
