Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
