her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
