Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
