airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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