Tell her she can't have a vagina
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
