this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
