Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
