I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
