I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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