I only kidnapped one of them. chill
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
