If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
