It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
