don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize