I could make wine with my vomit
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
