Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
