Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
